Saturday, August 06, 2005

Secret Self.

I've been married for 3 years and 2 months now...one of the very first things I did after coming home from my honeymoon was change my name on everything. But for some reason, Qwest (phone company) keeps refusing to change my name. I've called them at least 2 times and checked the box 'change of name/address' somewhere around 6 times.
Two days ago I happened to see my maiden name in the phone book. It was like a jolt. Here is my lost self. Hiding. Saying, "Remember me, old friend?" Ok...it didn't really 'talk' to me because if it was going to talk it would say something more like..."Who the hell are you?!"
I've changed so much in the last 3+ years...Since seeing that line in the phone book, a nagging feeling has stuck with me for the last few days. Kindof like a secret-self is hiding somewhere in me. A more free, independant self. Someone who went through so many experiences to become.
When I got married and changed my name, that self became lost. Lost to become a wife, student, mother, teacher...I never thought I would be a stay-at-home-mom.
But after having my son, I knew, being a mom to him was my number one job....everything else will just have to wait. And I think, I'm ok with that.

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The Many Shades of Good.

"That was too good!"
..."that's good right?!"
"No, that's bad."
I'm Back!!!