DirtyBean

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

It's The Devil I Tell Ya'

So my bestfriends brother-in-law is very very relgious to the point of 'freak.'
He seems to think that a kids movie is the devil and refuses to watch it. This kids movie was an obsessions of his not long ago. Something's go too far.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Misconceptions...

One day, back when I was pregnant, I was watching The View. This woman came on and was talking about pregnancy and all the misconceptions. She did all this research and even wrote a book called, Misconceptions. While I had to have that book. I went right up to Barnes and Noble and picked up a copy. I went home and immediatly started reading it. Frist off, this book is absolutely depressing. If you are pregnant, please don't read it...wait until you are no longer pregnant. Hours later...my husband comes home to a hysterical sobbing wife who is convinced that our unborn child is mentally challenged. One of the chapters talked about how in ancient Chinease cultures, your unborn child absorbs all your bad traits. For example, If you pretend to be menally challenged with your cousin on the long drive up to school for fun, your child will then actully BE menally challenged. My son is now 8 months old and appears to be just fine, thank you very much anicent Chinease culture!

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Why I'll Make A Great Police Officer...
Reason #1, 234

While on our first annual Thanksgiving night walk, I am covering and uncovering my ears with my scarf because my ears are so cold, they are about to shatter and fall to the ground and I am trying to prevent this. Anyway, Because of the covering of my ears, I didn't hear it...I had no idea...When all of a sudden this enormous beast comes tearing behind me. I scream, "Oh My God!" And jumped into Shawn's shoulder, attempting to scramble up his back along with Nick. Seeing that my son is being so inconsiderate and not budging over, I duck over to Shawn's other shoulder and cling on tight. I look up at my strong handsome husband and say, "What was that!!!" He smiles down at me and says, "That was a dog," as he laughs at me. I then say, "And this is why I'll make a great cop." Turns out, the dog is a golden retreiver, without a tag-just a green collar, that dodges the tail end of fast moving cars. We slipped him some turkey and I am hoping he is on his way home. On a side note...I begged Shawn to keep him. I named him, Prince Charming.

You are not going to believe this...SO I TOOK A PICTURE. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

"Hello, Family Crimes..."

Hello, family crimes...Hi...This is Leah again, I need to report myself again. While playing a new game I invented called, Roll the Can, (using an empty formula can, you roll it and chase it around) my son, Nick, found a slightly opened storage room door. I didn't want him to see all the wonderful things inside the room, so I closed the door. I looked down...Wait, is that a finger under the door? What the...? QUICK BRAIN OPEN THE DOOR! I open the door. Nick looks at his finger, looks at me and WAILS! I am a horrible mother who shuts her eight month old son's finger in doors. Take me away. I handcuffed myself for you to save time.
Family Crimes: This isn't my jurisdiction. Have a nice day!

6am-2pm

This Thanksgiving I am starting a new tradition. Cooking. I know, I know...I am the worst cook in the whole entire world. Why do I feel the need to further push this truth onto my family? Am I trying to kill them? Yes, I have heard it all, mainly from my husband. Kidding.
Anyways, I talked to my mother-in-law about my plan. She said, "Ohhh wait...Here's a turkey...And bread(this happens to be the best bread in all the world)...And gravey in a can....And a pan-you've got to have a pan. Here I thought I could just throw the turkey into the oven racks. Really. And she gave me homemade frozen lefsa for my very Norweigian husband who must have lefsa on Thanksgiving. Wow, huh. I am practically set.
I did make note of the local grocery store being open on Thanksgiving Day from 6am until 2pm...JUST IN CASE. And I am buying frozen pizza's tomorrow, JUST IN CASE. Because we all know I CAN'T COOK!-and those pizza's will come in mighty handy.

Monday, November 22, 2004

My First Blog EVER

Gertie...Part TwO

Remember how I told you about the relgious freak named Gertie who tried to come into my house and convert me?! And how I didn't open the door, I told her I was naked...Anyways, So it's Saturday, right, and I am trying to get my son to take a nap. Really trying. Hard. When I hear I knock at the door. Thinking it's the neighbors door, I ignore it. The knocking persists, and so I get out of bed with Nick in my arms and go to the door and ask who it is.
The voice answers back that it is John & Beth. (John was with Gertie last time...Gertie probably died. She sounded old. Come to think of it, she never talked...I don't know if there even was a Gertie.)
He says that I said to come back another time-I did. I am so bored and so not wanting to continue to try to get my son to sleep, that I open the door.
John says, "How long do you think Adam would have lived if he haden't committed a sin?"
Me, "uhhhhh, I don't know?"
John, "FOREVER! I know what your thinking, who wants to live forever with diseases and cancers and everything, right?"
Me, "I wasen't thinking that."
John goes on and on about What If Adam Haden't Committed a Sin.
Me, "But he did committ a sin...Get over it. Lets move on already."
John hands me liturature and pulls on my sons foot and talks baby to Nick.
Me...Shuts door, looks down and realizes my zipper is down. What a great day. I wish I haden't opened the door afterall.


Talking around the dinner table at, Grandmas in Canal Park. Posted by Hello

Art.  Posted by Hello

Friday, November 19, 2004

For The Love of God

Do not and I repeat, Do Not try Ginger Altoids. I grabbed perfectly good mints and while looking at the selection, I spotted, Ginger Altoids. Hmmmm, I thought and curiousity took over. I put back the perfectly good mints in my hands and picked up the Ginger Altoids. MISTAKE #1. I gave one to my sister just as I placed one in my mouth~MISTAKE #2 She gagged on the side of Target. I wish I had purged it out of me~Mistake #3
Bottom Line: DO NOT TRY GINGER ALTOIDS.

Quote for the Day...

"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Why I'll Make A Great Cop...Reason #34

I can't sleep with my foot hanging off the bed or even out of the covers. My simple logic: A monster will get it. I promise. Ever since I can remember, I can only fall asleep completely tucked in with all extremeties covered. There are times that I'll wake up and realize that, OH MY GOD MY FOOT IS HANGING OFF THE BED! And then my heart starts hammering and I start to freak out-without moving a muscle. I can't let the monster know that I know that my foot is off the bed.

Posted by Hello

Dirty Pan

Yesterday morning when I woke up I was so hungery. I decided, EGGS! I will make eggs for my small little family. I get out the pan and put a dab of butter on it and walk over to the fridge. I pulled out the egg container and low and behold...There was 1 little egg left. I sigh, and place the egg container back in the fridge. I wipe out the butter with a clean paper towel and leave the pan on the stove.
This morning I put the pan away. Dirty. But, that's ok. Only I know it's dirty.

You KNOW you're getting your period when...

You look in the mirror and look wider than you are long.
I can always tell that my period is on the way when I look into the mirror and think, How How did this happen?! How did I get so huge...overnight? Within 2 days, it's gone and I forget all about it...Until next month.

Monday, November 08, 2004


I love these-books that didn't make the cut-I framed this print and the next picture of Baber the Elephant.  Posted by Hello

How funny is this...Unless you are an elephant.  Posted by Hello

My Issue With GERTIE...

Go Away Gertie...! I don't have time to talk religion with you. I am trying to get my son to take his afternoon nap. I don't like you knocking on my door. I don't like that I had to lie to you and say I was naked...can you come back another time...& you knock 3 minutes later. Didn't you hear Gertie??? I tried Judisiam Saturday night. It was a blast being Jewish and all, but I am not feeling it today. So leave me alone!

Saturday Night

So I am a housewife/stay at home mom for the next 3 1/2 days-besides 2 hrs tomorrow when I have 1 class this week-what will I do with my time. I've already stayed up until the wee hours rearranging the furniture. Did the dishes. Cooked dinner last night....Do I have to cook everynight?! My only plans for the day are a Dr Appt for Nick at 3:15.
Shawn is sick...Nick is sick...Poor Boys.
Sorry, I am so boring today. I have nothing funny to write about. I could write about this last Saturday night...We all (Shawn, Nick and I) headed over to the Rajahs and Nick fell asleep on the couch right away while the rest of us got drunk. Shawn stopped early as he was the sober driver. I have not got drunk in 6 years. I'm not kidding. It was a blast. "Jewish" "Muslims" "Hot Dogs" "Delta Delta Delta...It makes your whole head sparkle!" comfy comfy couch, laughing and laughing and laughing, kettle corn, kettle corn, more refill please of kettle corn. Then, Shawn took sleeping Nick and I home. I put a pizza in the oven, but it didn't get touched. I did!
Finally Bed. I didn't even have a hang over the next day-although I was crabby having to get up at 1, 3 and for good at 5:45 with Nick. Ugh.
Funny Joke: So there are a bunch of Norweigians sitting around a card table drinking, a guy walked into the bar and noticed after every shot they'd yell, "84!" Finally the guy walked over to them and asked, Why do you keep yelling 84 after every shot. One of the Norweigians replied, It only took us 84 days to put together this puzzle and it says right on the box '2-4 years'!!!

Saturday, November 06, 2004

3am

3 am...Nick is up for the second time so far. Shawn and I take turns trying to get Nick back to sleep again and finally, finally he goes back to bed.Well we're up...Why not?!!!
Oh ya...I know why not! Stupid Stupid "Grown-Ups."

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

MaDnEsS!?!?

Has our whole country gone MAD??? I can't even discuss or write about the election right now.